Let's start with explaining what sort of expectations I mean. We often see this happening in relationships. It's this idea of, "He/She should do this, this would make me happy," or "Why aren't they calling me back? Responding to a text? Complimenting me today?" The point is, we tend to have these feelings because of disappointments. Disappointments in our past or our present, either way, we have become dissatisfied.
Now to move on to disappointment, which leads to dissatisfaction. This can be the knowledge that you are not getting what you most want, or what you think you want, leaving you disappointed, and you are not getting that because you build up expectations. And, well, you've built up expectations because you already have an idea of how to get rid of disappointment and how you want to be...loved. Being dissatisfied leaves you feeling pretty low. And feeling low, sad, unhappy, or angry might mean something's wrong in your heart and you desperately need some sort of pick-me-up. It only makes sense to want to find a solution in people--and for the record, people would be a great answer if everyone applied love. And by love, I mean the love God asks us to give.
You are normal if you find yourself having expectations. You are normal if you find yourself disappointed at times. But in my opinion, there is one easily solution to ease the pain that easily comes with these two things. The build-up of expectations and disappointment commonly seems to happen when we have an idea of "what life should be like." We think that because we actually do know the solution but we find ourselves so dependant on someone else doing that work for us because if they don't, we are discouraged.
Thus introducing discouragement into the mix. When someone else lacks to meet our human-nature-expectations and unfortunately disappoints us in the process, we are discouraged to stand up and make the difference ourselves because subconsciously we will most likely expect something in return no matter how many times we say we don't. We will still go and wonder, "I did this nice thing, why won't he notice? I bought this for her, why doesn't she appreciate it and give me something back?" Let's just be honest--we do this because we all want to be loved! And being loved should feel good, right?
Now that we've gone over my idea of how expectations lead to disappointment which leaves you dissatisfied and unhappy allowing you to feel discouraged to do more, let's move on to how the solution can disrupt the whole system and promise a much better outcome. But remember, expectations happen, they're normal just like you are if you have them, and disappointment is a part of life. If you have this down, it'll be easier to avoid letting it run your life--or your relationship!
We all have an idea of what love is, but I find that unconditional love is the hardest to master. Mistakes will always happen though and we honestly cannot let that stop us from practicing unconditional love. I find that the problem in many relationships is when the problem becomes unspoken. And if the problem is unspoken, it most likely causes even worse problems. With that being said, the unspoken problem is most likely because one or both persons have built up expectations with their normal humanness that longs to be loved and unconditionally loved. I mean, that makes sense! Of course we're hurt if we're not loved!
But here's the answer I think could put an end to this issue: LOVE ANYWAY. In other words, if both parties decides to love unconditionally without expecting from the other person, then if the other person messes up, it doesn't stop that first person from loving anyway. From giving without expecting. Inevitably we might still have those expectations, but imagine if the other person chose to do the same as you. This is almost an obvious answer but you'd be surprised at how many people can't actually master this. Even this type of mindset could keep the most unlikely people in a relationship together forever. The point I'm trying to make is, not enough people put forth that amount of effort and instead practice giving up.
We see broken relationships because people stop trying, people learn how to give up, people are picky, people expect too much from someone. That's not example of love, that's an example of selfish human beings. Selfishness means you look for someone who can fit YOUR needs. Selflessness means finding someone you can GIVE to, HELP out, and LOVE. What can you bring to the relationship? That's the real question! The question that goes unnoticed or forgotten way too often could very well be one of the greatest solutions for a more lasting relationship.
If you drop those expectations and look at the person you love in the eye and realize, "I just want to love you to love you." Everything can change. It is, in my opinion, the best solution to getting rid of a lot of disappointment. Your focus becomes on how you can love that person and you drop your focus from the mistakes they might make. Imagine if both do this! You begin to think of how you can give to them and you choose not to be discouraged even when you make your own mistakes. Because your goal is to love them just as they are, no matter what they do, and that is the best thing you could ever practice.
So practice love. The kind of love that has nothing to do with what you need, what you get, or what you want. Practice the love that is so concerned whether the other person is okay, whether the other person is being loved by you or not. Focus on who you are to them and that leaves no room for your own expectations, eliminating so much disappointment. I know it's not easy, but it's worth it. So go all out. Go out of your way and love. See what happens! Because if you need love, take the time and create love.
