Hope Remains.

Many thoughts have gone through my head the last few days. I've realized how small my previous problems really were and how the unexpected is still capable of happening. I've come to know who in my life is genuine and who really does care for me. I've learned that I've lacked to treat certain feelings as "normal" and coming to accept that has helped me just be. But most importantly, I've learned that God is a God of hope. He can pour inside of us a hope that no man can create nor explain. And that is what God has given me during this time of grieving.

No one hopes for what they have or what they see. Hope is having faith in what you cannot see. Because I cannot see what is ahead, I can only hope for the best. God has allowed me to feel a hope for something beautiful to come. That even when I'm crying missing my dad, there is hope. Not only do I still have many people around me, but God is taking everything I ever learned from my earthly father and He is teaching me who I am meant to be. My dad did his job by making me feel special, loved, and worth it. I did my part by making him proud, following my dreams, and never giving up.

I know my dad won't be here to give my future husband his approval, nor will he be able to walk me down the aisle, but he definitely taught me what to look for. My dad knew that I would someday make the right choice in a husband, and he didn't fail to already make me feel special while I waited. I may not have had the closest relationship with my father, but he had the most faith in me. Losing my dad has brought up these thoughts more than ever. I was that one girl dreaming up marriage, writing out stories, and daydreaming it all. To lose my dad before I could even reach that dream has stabbed a rather sensitive part in my heart. But yet God has given me hope nonetheless. I still have my Father in Heaven and I still belong to Him and Him alone.

I can't say I know when I'll reach that dream. To be honest, I've given it up for the most part. But I still feel hopeful. That a man will someday have my heart and it'll be the one I know would have made my dad proud. I may not be able to hear him tell me what he thinks about them, but I will let God be the one who chooses. My hope is that I'll find someone who can love me as much as my dad loved me. Someone who can make me feel special, loved, worth it. Someone who has faith in me. Someone who dreams big. Someone who never gives up. Someone who is strong-willed. That's who my dad was.