Urges and Child-like Faith.

I procrastinate because I have paid beyond more attention to my social life than my academic life. But in my defense, I was out of school for nearly five years and I'm learning the concept of discipline all over again. But imagine going from a lot of lonely days, to suddenly having the option of people to talk to, see, and interact with daily. There is rarely a moment that I actually feel alone. Maybe now as I sit out in the living room in a quiet apartment, me being the only one awake, but even then, I know I am surrounded by people. It's an incredible turn-around for my life.

So what's the problem, right? Well, I have this very active mind. It doesn't help that I lost my dad less than two months ago. Whenever I miss him, or suddenly realize all over again that he is gone, I have this urge to run into a strong pair of arms and hide for a while. But these "arms" I speak of don't exist in my life, and the urge is unfulfilled. It's silly, I suppose, but I'm convinced it's normal. God must have just made me this way. I desire a prince, that's all.

Not just any prince though. But one that can look into my eyes and see exactly who I am. One that finds what I have to say important. One that uses his voice to reach out to the world in even the tiniest of ways. A prince that would rescue me when I was in "danger." A prince that would treat me like a princess, to say the least. And I wouldn't expect it, he would just lovingly give it. I would look to him as if he was my knight in shining armor.

I know what some people may say to that. "Stop being a child, fairy-tales don't exist." But I'm not talking fairy-tales, and who said anything is wrong with being a child? Children have faith that can move mountains. I think this world all to often lacks that sort of faith. We lose it over time as reality begins to sink in that we can't actually fly and money doesn't actually grow on trees. But what fun is a life without such faith to believe in such "silly" things?

I'm talking about how the idea of such a prince and princess relationship can actually exist if we actually play the part. It can be reality if we want it to be. So my urges are normal, my desires are normal, and my feelings are normal. And even if they're abnormal, it would only be because the majority of the world lost the idea of true faith. Or should I say true love? Love in its truest form knows no bounds.

I'm surrounded by people, yes. But even when I'm not lonely, I still am missing that one human being who just hasn't made himself known yet. So yes, I am content in my singleness, technically. But I'd be lying if I said I'm not still dreaming. Child-like faith hasn't died with me. I just won't let it. I'm a dreamer. I dream big. It got me this far, after all!