A Trip Well Needed.

About two weeks ago I made a decision to buy a bus ticket and head down South. I tried finding legitimate excuses to come, but I knew the ultimate reason would only be known upon my departure. What caused me to spontaneously decide I would go? I do believe God intended this to happen, but I also had no idea how everything would come to play. Was there more reason why I needed to be here other than the fact that I needed out? Was God showing me something I needed to see?

I've struggled with fears, insecurities, and feeling alone in the passions that I have. I didn't get out much. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to feel important, and nothing real to be a part of. I parted from many friends and lived inside my head, full of dreams and goals bigger than any I've ever known. No one around me seemed to understand my big dreams, no one else had such huge dreams. But I believed with my entire heart that I could do anything I set my heart to if God sees it fit. But what was I lacking?

It took a great amount of courage for me to make yet another decision upon coming down here. But I gained that  boldness and I found myself driving down streets I don't know, highways I've never driven on, and a coffee place I never knew existed. And there I sat, patiently waiting to meet a person I've never seen face to face. I stayed so hidden from the world, afraid of being rejected again. I needed out! And finding him gave me hope.

What can I say now? I can say I hopped on a bus to travel over 200 miles South, got picked up by a new friend I never met before, bought an iPhone 5, drove someone else's car, was entirely out of my comfort zone, met a guy I barely knew online, went to church with him, let him drive me around, bought his gas, and departed with a hug that I will never forget. Have I really come this far? Did this really all just happen? And yet I feel entirely content with a deeper happiness. If this was a test to see if I'm ready for change, then I sincerely hope I passed.

So what was the reason why I came here? I think God wanted to open my eyes to new things. A couple months ago I made a decision that I would move south in the future. Yet I had no attachments or connections to anything here and had no idea. Now that I have come this far, I realize that for the first time in years...I felt like I belonged somewhere. I felt like my heart found itself closer to where it needed to be. There is something here that it needed to see to finally feel...connected.

I suppose only God knows at this point where my heart belongs. But I definitely made the step into the right direction to figure that out. I will return home tomorrow with all the tools I need to get started in making the second step. I have been given hope and the most loveliest new memories I'll replay over and over until I return.