Have you ever had so many bad things happen over and over that you couldn't even understand what good is anymore? Have you ever been beaten down so many times that you became too tired to stand? Eventually at this point it's so hard to smile and so hard to forget about all the things you wished would happen and all the things that could have happened. And what is a blessing at this point? What is there to be thankful for?
I am becoming convinced that becoming thankful for all the tiny things is like opening up a door to greater things. Being thankful for the small things is like opening up your eyes to possibilities. And if bad things never occurred, would blessings really be obvious? I'm becoming convinced that God is all about contrast. Love is great when hate is compared. Good is great when bad is compared. Blessings are great when you least expect them.
I'm starting to see my week that way. On Sunday, I was feeling pretty down. The week beforehand I wrote things on paper like, "I wish something grand and unexpected would occur," and yet I knew that if I expected something to happen, nothing could be "unexpected." Oh the irony. But in my silent moments, I'd pray, I'd cry, and I'd ask God what is going on in my heart. But as I entered this new week, beginning a tiny journal to write down blessings, I started thinking about each thing throughout my day that I can be thankful for. I thought of all the little things and even big things that allowed me to feel blessed.
But have you ever had so many good things happen in a row to a point that you couldn't help but look to God and think, "Wait, are You doing this on purpose?" Without the endured pain, would this good moment, or these good opportunities, feel as great as they do now? And that is what my week is beginning to feel like. From Sunday until now, I'm under the impression that God is intentionally trying to put a smile on my face.
In a matter of four days I have managed to apply to a job for the first time, get a call for an interview, walk into the interview and become hired right then and there, and then find out my name was selected for a free VIP ticket to see my favorite musician, Chris August. And although I already bought a ticket, the idea that I won was like a cherry on top. I cannot help but smile, looking immediately Heavenward to believe God has set it all up this way. To make up for the past month or so of emotions and pick me up from the ground and push me into great opportunities and a feeling of happiness.
It feels like these are just the little things I needed. It is as if God has been wrapping up gifts for me and has started to deliver them one by one. These blessings become so obvious and I am thankful to have never doubted God or given up on Him. I came to an acceptance with my life, with my path, and I was slowly walking along, wondering what could possible change it all. God has set me on that path, and it feels so good to make it to this side and feel deep hope again. My other prayers may not have been answered, but my unasked prayers were indeed. With the energy I had left and the small effort I attempted to put forth--God amplified the outcome and I couldn't be more thankful.
I look forward to His next gift to me.
