I'm writing to admit to you that dating is totally not my thing. I don't mean casual, friendship dates, but the dating the world has come to know. I got a slight glimpse of it (I've yet to finish the blog) and I could tell that God has a totally different path for me. Now, seeing as how I'm writing you, why on earth would I bring up dating? I guess I do wonder how I'll know you, but I can't help but revert back to the mindset I had at fifteen--when I imagined friendship to proposal.
Now, I haven't actually gone through with a real date because I'm much too picky. I guess I have this tendency to be drawn toward something I have to fight for. When it comes easily, it has no value to me. But I did open up again and a guy started talking to me. He was too nice. One of those guys who says everything right and agrees with everything. But for some reason, it felt wrong. It was boring to me, and slightly annoying. I began to run away from it all, recognizing this odd fear inside of me... At school I started looking around at male strangers, realizing how utterly uncomfortable I feel about certain profiles of guys.
They're foreign to me, that's all. I can easily manage conversation with guys, but yet the idea of any type of nearness beyond casual friendship with someone new frightens me. In fact, the nearness in general gets me feeling completely uncomfortable. Not because it's bad, but because I'm not warmed up to it at all. I've never been anything close to a guy besides friendship. And to top things off, I've not really managed real friendships with men at all. I'm barely starting to sort of make friends to help me feel okay about guys.
So to tie this to you, I began to wonder how you would win my heart over. It is because of my commitment to you I made 8 years ago that I've become this picky and I guess it's not entirely a bad thing. It sure saved me from a lot. But I'd like to assure you that I'm now able to really appreciate my decision for the friends-first mindset. I got to really see that I'm not missing out on much by not going on dates or meeting guys like that. I guess I don't even want to meet you that way.
Funny to say this but.... I hope we can be friends. :)
Love,
Stephanie Ann
This is why I say enjoy your close friendship ;)! It's what you've always wanted. So no need to feel down if they don't want more!
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